A friend of mine wondered out loud on how much another person’s emotions contributed to her decision making. I thought this was such a succinct way of understanding how we define ourselves in relationships and the emotional forces that contribute to our thinking process. I think that being human means having to sort through how […]
Author Archive | Julie Gerut
Assertiveness as a Happy Person Habit
Last month I attended a conference entitled “The Habits of Happy People”. As an Oak Park therapist I usually attend conferences near by, but this time a colleague and I left early, sat in traffic, missed the hidden hotel where the conference was located and arrived late to an already filled to the brim conference […]
Differentiation of Self
In the approach I often use from the Bowen family systems theory, a key concept is Differentiation of Self. The idea relates to a person’s ability to direct his/her functioning by setting goals and planning purposeful action even when one is highly anxious. A key question I ask in an initial consultation is “what do you want to accomplish in our meetings?” Most people have some idea […]
Principles of Relationship Success
It seems that I can’t pick up a newspaper or magazine article these days without some reference to John Gottman’s ideas around the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.” The “Horsemen” are behavioral tendencies that can derail a couple from productive problem solving. As an Oak Park marital therapist I help couples to identify and diminish the corrosive behaviors […]
Relationship Success
When I coach individuals and couples on what makes relationships successful the ideas of John Gottman tend to make sense in the calm, neutral forum of my office. It is usually another story when theory translates to reality at home. How can we access basic principles of human respect and love when the emotional process in […]
Happiness when…
I recently came across the quote from the book “The Natural” by Bernard Malamud: “We have two lives…the life we learn with and the life we live after that. Suffering is what brings us towards happiness.” Happiness is not just a human emotion. Philosophers and spiritual thinkers define happiness in terms of living a good […]