Last month I attended a conference entitled “The Habits of Happy People”. As an Oak Park therapist I usually attend conferences near by, but this time a colleague and I left early, sat in traffic, missed the hidden hotel where the conference was located and arrived late to an already filled to the brim conference room in a far west suburb. Trying to maintain a positive attitude, we crammed into straight back chairs smiling apologetically to the over 300 attendees. Thankfully the presenter made up for difficult surroundings by his upbeat attitude and dynamic approach. A lot of the material was familiar like surrounding yourself with happy people rather than Debbie Downers, getting adequate rest, and managing ANTS or automatic negative thoughts. In the afternoon session two of the attendees in front of me chatted as if catching up after a long separation. I tried to wait a few minutes to see if the talking would stop. My colleague admitted that it didn’t bother her. As I was breathing through gritted teeth I learned that one habit of happy people is assertiveness. From the stage I heard how I am supposed to identify my needs and wants and ask for them to be satisfied. As the conversation in front of me hummed, the voice of the presenter was telling me that I am not to wait for someone to recognize my needs because I might wait forever. The two women immediately stopped talking once I asked them to and soon after left the conference. The irony was not lost on me. The challenge of how to get your needs met without sacrificing others’ needs in the process is one of the bigger questions all of us must answer. From the benign experiences like my example, to the more substantial questions like where to live or when and if to have children, teasing out when to accommodate and when to take a stand is a life long process.
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